The secret behind

Queer Reproduction


This article was originally posted, in a slightly different form, in the Usenet newsgroup rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5, on Sunday, October 22, 1995.


On the darkest night of the coldest day of the year, immoral fags and dykes come together to perform a very old pagan ritual, originating from the barbarian times before Christianity. On this one night, those few queers selected by their tribes stand facing each other, in two rows -- fags in one, dykes in the other. As the participants remove their clothes, the chosen Prophylee (which means, in old Queerish, "the one who comes between") walks inside the tunnel made by their bodies, handing the ritual Dixie Cups to the fags and Turkey Basters to the dykes. Each participant also brings the colored hanky which marks its owner's house and, once given a sacred implement, places the hanky on his or her right shoulder.

The lines then bow to each other, and the participants turn to face off in pairs. Each pair begins with the process of prepairing for the culmination of the ritual, touching and stroking their shared passion, which begins growing and glistening, warming the cold night. Once a pair is ready, they turn back to face the other line and wave their hankies in the air. It is then up to the Prophylee, who continually retrieves cups from the ready fags, and delivers the Sacred Seed to the waiting dykes; the ritual is finished when half of the cups have been delivered. In this way we breed, selecting only the most potent and exceedingly queer genes for the following generation.

There have been rumors that this ritual traditionally includes the abduction of virgin girls, through whom the evil seed is also implanted and spread to the rest of the population. I can assure you that these rumors have been made up by people only trying to create fear, and are completely unfounded.

_________.oo_Q_Q_oo.____________________________________________
Dianne Kyra Hackborn <hackbod@angryredplanet.com>
Last modified: Wed Aug 14 14:09:26 PDT 1996

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