So there I was, googling myself (I will not deny that I am a narcissist, nor will I deny that I get quite a thrill out of satisfying those narcissistic urges through self-googleation), and way towards the end of the results I found this page quoting something I had posted to Usenet a long time ago. Something today I have no recollection of writing. Reading it, though, it does look like something I would write... and it is even kind-of amusing. So why not put it up on my web site!
I do vaguely remember the motivation for the post, however: there were some flamewars I believe on alt.sex.bondage about reorganizing the group into sub-groups so that some people wouldn't have to read about topics they found offensive. Something well-worth satirizing, for sure.
(Note: I couldn't resist slightly editing the original post, correcting a few things like really embarassing spelling mistakes. The original post was probably written in December 1993.)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Dianne Hackborn) Subject: Heteronazis, Homonazis, Boredom. Organization: Buried on the floor somewhere. I am *definitely* a boring person, and after paging through at LEAST one non-boring article per week on alt.sex.boredom for the last month, I've finally decided that something needs to be done. I would like to propose that alt.sex.boredom be reorganized into: alt.sex.boredom.fag alt.sex.boredom.dyke alt.sex.boredom.undecided alt.sex.boredom.not-really Leaving alt.sex.boredom for us *truly* boring people. Now I know that, just by being an unexciting person proposing this, I am going to get flamed by all those exciting gays (and even the occasional exciting straight). But before you start SCREAMING "EXCITINGIST" (or wait, is that supposed to be BORINGIST?!?), I just want all of you exciting people to know that you are FILTHY DISGUSTING PERVERTS WHO ARE GOING TO BRING ABOUT THE DEMISE OF THE NET!!! So nya nya nya, flamed you first! Exciting people make up, what, between 1% (if you sample from Rush Limbaugh viewers) and 5% (if you include the alt.sex.wanted posters, though this is more people who *think* they're exciting, rather than actually truly being exciting) of the population. Most exciting people are about as welcomed by the majority of Americans as discussions on the sexual practices of Ronald Reagan. Yet, the alt.sex.ron-n-monkeys people are courteous enough to not even *have* a group, so we can't accidentally trip over their slimey disgusting posts! In fact, newspapers, personal adds, magazines, even *lawyers* are broken up by subject, and you don't see any of THEM complaining about this! In fact, MOST of LIFE is segregated - we even have bathroom.men and bathroom.women, and no-one is yelling "sexism"!! (Don't worry, I'll propose bathroom.men.fag and bathroom.womyn.dyke next week.) Let one boring person complain about being tired of wading through the slew of articles that could not possibly keep things boring, and the excitement crowd SCREAM! Whoops, I mean, SCREAMS! Why? You know you are a minority. You know most of mainstream society would rather be watching The 700 Club. So why do you insist on forcing your disgusting excitement on us?? Whhhyyyyyy?!?!? You make me sooooooo maaaaaaadd!!! MOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!! Can't you see, putting your exciting posts right in front of us, in our little newsgroup, is like putting an erotic rape story on talk.rape?!? Isn't that just an incredibly *subtle* comparison??? See! I'm NOT an excitingist, or boringphobe, or whateverthehell that is, I'm just a *caring* and *loving* person, who doesn't want to see the poor innocents on alt.sex.boredom continue to be HARASSED by disgusting perverted trash about exciting things. This has been crossposted to increase the chance of arguments arising because people are posting based varying perspectives from different newsgroups. Follow-ups to alt.sex.boredom.
|Dianne Kyra Hackborn <email@example.com>||Last modified: October 9, 2005|